Monday, August 9, 2010

~I'm writing this with tears~

There were few readers who kindly spared their times to email me and advised me not to stop blogging and share stories about my life as my stories more or less have inspired them to move on and find their own admirable happiness.. Thank you so much for the compliments.. I'm proudly say that all your responds and feedback have made my day and I feel overwhelmed about it.. But it has been ages since my last entry and I'm very sorry for that... I'm still here but every time I looked at the screen, there was no amusing story came out to compose.. I'm currently in depressing and stressful mood that lead to no ideas and strength at all.. All the passion had flown away and me myself not happy about it..

A lot of things happened out of sudden just after a week I came back from Manchester for a summer holidays.. One of the most is my mother's diseasedness.. Everybody keep asking me about her conditions and some times I felt like nothing to say.. It needs a lot of explanations both scientifically and mystically.. Until now, the specialists can't exactly explain with medical prove about what is happening.. She keeps vomiting and loss her appetite and at least a month since she constantly like that.. Can you imagine how weak she could be?? She couldn't sleep at night as well, and always need some one by her side to 'usek-usek' or 'tepuk-tepuk' her body and cuddle her like a baby.. She 'gelisah' all the time and will feel hot sometimes and freezing cold the other time.. She's very weak and hungry but can't help herself to eat anything.. She needs assistance to walk and to take a bath.. She cried all the time and said that she couldn't take it anymore..For me as her daughter, my brothers and sisters, my father as her husband who has struggle so much, we don't have enough strength to see her suffering like that for any longer..

O Allah.. Please give us courage..
I know, this is just a tiny assessment from You for our family..

But please ease her pain..

My mother is an amazing, kindhearted,
indulgence, and loving mother..
but, where is she now? T_T
She love to eat everything and will always
ask my father to bring us to wherever
place in Jalan-Jalan Cari Makan..
But where is she now?? T_T

My family and I have tried both modern and traditional remedy to ensure she will be my mother again.. We went to KPJ (the doctor has no effort to find the solution and the nurses were rude like no training at all!!!) and now she currently admitted at Prince Court Medical Centre (there are about 5 doctors get together to find the solutions for my mother's weird illnesses until today and I frankly speaking will give 5 stars to the nurses.. ) At least, I feel relieve as she is in a very good supervision.. Not to forget about the traditional remedy, we already went to almost 6 Ustazs including Darussyifa' and my mother is still like that.. They said that someone have send very strong 'sihir' to her and at the mean time, there are 'saka' from our ancestors as well..I don't know who send the 'sihir' and I don't know what kind of saka are they.. But most of the time I feel like my mother was turn to a baby.. Is it a baby saka? and how bout the sihir? personally, I think the mission of the sihir is to stop my mother from eat anything and to kill her slowly.. Its kind of bullshit sometimes, but it is the truth and even said in Al-Quran about the existence of these creatures and their aim to spoiled the prophet Adam a.s's generations..

We never stop praying and ask Allah to ease my mother's pain and stop the burden on her shoulder.. Whatever it is, there will always reasons behind it.. Thinking about positive side, people who suffer is the lucky one and among the chosen one as Allah give them chances to settle everything before going back to meet Him.. He give them chances to meet Him in a very clean condition as pure as a baby, directly to His promising paradise.. A paradise where is absence of evil, the home of peace for those who are loved by Allah..

This pain is nothing compared to the punishment in the hereafter, and the pain is nothing compared to His delightful Jannah in return..


I miss my beautiful and chubby mommy...
I miss my caring mommy who always care and worried for me..
I miss my mommy who always ask me what to eat next even I was still full..
But there is no more..
Tomorrow, is the beginning of Ramadhan, the fasting month..
But I have to cook by myself and think about 'juadah berbuka' by myself..
I miss my mommy.. Please come back and stop my tears..

I'm not that strong but I'll stay strong for you mommy..
Physically, I look good but nobody knows what is inside..
I love you so much MAK..

And the readers as well, please pray for her..
My family and I really need the du'a..
We really do..

Thank you for reading..

Assalammualaikum.. :-)

With Love,